There is Healing in the Waiting

Have you ever been so lonely that it hurt? Have you ever begged for the pain to stop? Have you ever ached in the very depths of your soul? Have you ever felt like you didn't deserve any better than the agony you lived in?

Me too!

2 Corinthians 4:8-9 says "We are hard-pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down but not destroyed."

I used to think that I did something wrong to deserve the pain that consumed my heart. I felt so alone in my desperation. I wanted to be understood by the people around me. The shadows of my dark places seemed to follow me everywhere, even now as I have stepped through to the other side of healing, my shadows creep up at times.

Waiting is the hardest part of any journey. Facing the unknown with positivity, trusting that someone higher is taking care of you, believing that you are going to be ok but yet not knowing how... Those are the hard days. My healing took over 15 years and still I fight...

I fight to prove myself. I fight thoughts of self-doubt. I fight to be more. I fight to believe I can. I fight to have a life better than what my family tree grew... I fight.

My dark waiting room process was cold and uncertain but I just knew that healing and happiness was possible. I had a strong belief that anything was better than the life of addiction and self-loathing that contaminated my family. Waiting without the knowledge of when was better than living miserably in sin. As much as I love a timeline, I could be ok without one because I had faith that it would get better, someday, somehow.

It was a hard lesson to learn, but I knew that in order to heal the pain, I had to embrace it. I had to feel it. I had to address every ugly part of it so that I could leave it and heal from it. In this season of overcoming, we must place our pain in the hands of God instead of trying to self-medicate our way through. We stop and take frequent deep breaths. We understand that everyday won't be perfect but it will be progress. The scars will ever be present and remind us of how much we have been through but the pain will slowly fade and no longer be in control. Pain doesn't have to defeat you, it can be a powerful motivator if you shift your mindset. Do you want more? Do you want better?

Allow God to be present in your pain. Invite Him into your spirit so that He can renew your strength. Learn to lean on Him when you are faced with disappointments. Let your pain transform your heart to better than before. The enemy wants you to believe that God is doing this to you, He is taking things away from you. That is so false! God wants you to rely on Him when life knocks you down. He is your provider and His grace will cover the worst parts of your story.

When you have no one to talk to, He wants you to reach out to Him. Let His mercies reach into the dark corners of your situation. Read His word and let it fill your mind with sweet relief. There are days when we need to just unplug from Social Media, turn the TV off, close our calendar and just breath in the refreshing air that God has for us. Let him renew your spirit because He is the only thing that can. Let pray and positivity rule your life and your waiting room experience will be much shorter than you imagined.

Be still and wait just a while longer, your healing is coming.

XO -Denisha